


Episode ???: You Can (Not) Feel

by MJ1Hawk



Series: You Can (NOT) [1]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Consensual Underage Sex, Consent, Developing Relationship, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Kissing, Making Love, My First Fanfic, Neon Genesis Evangelion Manga, Romance, Sex, Teen Romance, True Love, Underage Kissing, Underage Sex, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-05 07:17:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17320469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MJ1Hawk/pseuds/MJ1Hawk
Summary: This is an already COMPLETED short work that covers what could have happened between episodes FIVE and SIX, also known as "REI I" and "REI II".





	1. Existentially Inept

### Existentially Inept

### The following story takes place between episodes FIVE and SIX, also known as “Rei I” and “Rei II”

  
  
”Rei…?”  
  
“Shinji.”  
  
“Do you ever think about death?”  
  
“...No.”  
  
“What about life... and living?”  
  
“...No,” Rei says, “But I was told they are both one in the same.”  
  
“I… I don’t know.”  
  
The desolate grey room Rei quietly and solemnly occupies seems colder than it ever has. All of the walls have a quarter-inch of dust permanently pasted to them. The only light that comes in is filtered through the five slits of the shades on the North-side window; the light has a red tint eerily similar to Rei’s own eye color. The bed Rei is half-tucked into has a pale white covering hiding the sickly yellow mattress filled with stains of unknown origins. Shinji stiffly stands with his heels close together and hands clenched. His head is hung so low that his chin touches his clavicle. He seems to only take up a corner of the room, but he chooses to face his body toward her. Rei stays tucked into her bed, only her waist up is exposed, and only her head is turned toward him.  
  
“Why did you come Shinji?”  
  
“I… I saw you walking home from Nerv, and I wanted to talk but--”  
  
“Why?” Shinji finally looked up for the first time since walking in three minutes ago, he notices the state of undress she is in with a loose fully unbuttoned shirt.  
  
“Why did you want to talk to me about death?” Rei asks calmly, unphased by his wide-eyed immaturity.  
  
“I--I, uh, you--your shirt, um,” Shinji points ambiguously towards her and looks away.  
  
“Why does it bother you?”  
  
“Well, um, I haven’t… seen…” Shinji stops his stumbling and shakes his head, “I should go, I… I don’t know why I asked about… stuff.” Shinji starts to near the door when he pauses again, “Rei?”  
  
“Yes?” she says, in her same position on the bed.  
  
“For some reason… I feel like I already know you.”  
  
Rei looks away for the first time, but she shows no change of emotion on her face. Somehow, it felt like someone else did it for her. Rei doesn’t open her mouth.  
  
“And… I, well, I feel _something _,” He says, “something I don’t really know-- _GYAH! _”____  
  
Just as Shinji turned his head back toward the room, Rei appears three inches from his face. His eye level is at her softly curved teal eyebrows. He pins his body against the door failing to keep steady eye contact with her.  
  
Rei reaches a hand of hers to his right shoulder that’s so thin you can make out each tendon and metacarpal. Shinji makes a “nnrgh” noise and squirms so violently that Rei retracts the hand.  
  
“You are (not) capable of physical intimacy?”  
  
“Wha-- _INTIMACY?! _” Shinji squeaks.__  
  
“It has never crossed my mind. Yet I imagine it is part of living. Do you think so?” Rei’s head slightly turns to the side, starring expectantly. Shinji’s body relaxes a bit, but his voice remains loud and unsure as his hand grasps the sides of his pants.  
  
“I’m not sure… but, I’m kind of scared to… _do _anything like…”__  
  
“Like what?”  
  
“Uh--” Shinji scratches his neck and his eyes wander down to Rei’s exposed torso. He shuts his eyes tight, “ _I-Igottagoseeyouatschool! _”__  
  
 **SLAM ******  
  
Rei stands unphased.  
  
…  
  
…  
  
Her hand reaches to her shirt and she pulls the two sides of it closed, covering herself.  
  
 _Do you feel Rei? ___  
  
………………..  
  
Rei looks toward her feet. Earbuds are knotted up on the floor. She bends to pick them up. She recognizes them as the one Shinji wears. Her grip tightens on them.  
  
………………..  
  
“I do (not) know.”  



	2. Existentially Conflicted

  
**Existentially Conflicted ******  
  
”It’s raining again…” Shinji murmurs to himself. He’s seated in the middle of the classroom. He was the first to arrive today and the room seems quite bleak. It makes him feel cold, and something like a quiet hum fills up his ears.  
  
 _Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ___  
  
“ _Stop _already,” Shinji groans. He reaches into his right pocket to find his MP3 player. He tries the left now, and finds nothing. He grimaces, “No way did I lose them again… Misato-san is going to kill me-- _urghhh _.” He collapses onto his desk clenching the MP3.____  
  
 _Shhfff ___  
  
 _Nckk ___  
  
Shinji sits up and earbuds fall onto his desk.  
  
“They fell,” says Rei in passing. She swiftly walks to her desk in the back of the room and sits contently staring forward.  
  
“Thank you…” he quietly says. She doesn’t hear him. “Rei?”  
  
……  
  
She doesn’t respond vocally or physically so Shinji turns around and puts in his earbuds with no music.  
  
  
 **Class ends.**  
  
Shinji turns around and looks past his newer friends Touji and Kensuke. His eyes focus on Rei standing up and leaving the room. She’s moving with a purpose, he thinks. He shoots out of his seat nearly knocking it over causing a scene.  
  
“ _Jeeeez _Shinji-chan, slow down will ya?” says Touji.__  
  
“Hah, sorry,” Shinji says, “I have somewhere to be.”  
  
“More Eva info you wanna spill?!” Kensuke happily asks.  
  
“Um, not that I know,” Shinji states. His eyes are out the class window checking if Rei was already gone. He didn’t see her. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow!”  
  
Shinji nearly runs out of the room blowing air into the faces of both boys. “Jeeeeeez. Who does he think he is dipping out on us like that?” Touji barks.  
  
“Maybe he’s looking for Ayanami.”  
  
“ _Gah _, why her when he has Misato-san happily waiting at _homeeeee _?”____  
Touji sweetly sways side to side with his hands knotted behind his back.  
“I guess you’ll never know,” Kensuke remarks.  
  
 _Shhhhhhhhhhhhh ___  
  
The sound of rain now fills Shinji’s ears. He forgot an umbrella so he gave up on searching for Rei and decided to take the train home. While the train rattled and screetched, his thoughts constantly wander to Rei. Why didn’t she talk to me? Does she hate me? He wasn’t in the right state of mind to recognize that such a conclusion was irrational. He found himself hunched over in his tight blue plastic seat clutching his chest pocket. _Does she hate me? Does she hate me? Does she hate me? ___  
  
Shinji slides the front door open to see Misato standing tall. She unexpectadly pulls him into the house by his backpack strap.  
  
“ _Nyah _! Misato-san!” Shinji yelps stumbling over the doorway. He throws out his hand to brace himself against the closest wall.__  
  
“Shinji! Why didn’t you tell me?!” Misato yells. Her face carries a smile from ear to ear. One hand is on her hip and the other is gripping the house phone.  
  
“Tell _youuu _?”__  
  
“That you and Rei are friends,” Misato remarks and waves a hand as if to say _obviously _. “She called the house about five minutes ago asking for you.”__  
  
“What?!” Shinji smiles bright and nearly jumps up. “What did she say?!”  
  
“She just asked if you were here and to call her later.”  
  
“Oh… ok,” Shinji states in a melancholy manner.  
  
“But I decided to have her over instead.”  
  
………………..  
  
“Really?! Wait--I’m not ready--Um--when?!” Shinji’s eyes nearly fall out of his head from how wide eyed he is.  
  
 **Dingggg-dong ******  
  
“ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!” Shinji screams and sprints to his room.  
  
“Shinji?!” Misato yells looking after him. “What a weird kid…” she mumbles under her breath. She opens the door to see Rei holding a bent white umbrella in a blue dress the same color as her hair.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished chapter six, the LAST chapter of this story. Please bare with me here, this is the first fic I've done and it does get a quite bit better toward the third chapter.


	3. Existentially Confused

  
**Existentially Confused ******  
  
Shinji frantically pulls off his wet clothes.  
  
“Come _onnnnn _, get _offfff _!” he hisses at his tight black pants. For the life of him, the pants won’t come off around his ankle. He hops over to his bed on one foot and sits down still struggling to free himself.____  
From a distance he hears a “ _Hang on Rei! _” and suddenly his door slides open as if in _slooooow _motion. And all at once Rei is there, staring at his naked chest and wet white boxers that show more than one would think. Misato runs up behind her and they have a three way staring contest that lasts about ten seconds.____  
  
“GET OUT!!!” Shinji screeches hopping over to the door on one foot and wiping it closed. His body nearly collapses against it as his face is beet red.  
  
“I’m sorry _Shinjiiiii _! I didn’t think she’d walk right in,” Misato nervously says with a chuckle.__  
  
“Did you need help Ikari-kun?” Rei asks flatly.  
  
Misato holds her breath.  
  
“ **NO!!! **” Shinji barks.****  
  
About 30 minutes later, Shinji and them finish up dinner while Misato cleans up.  
  
“How about you guys watch some TV or something?” Misato advises, “I’ll probably head to bed soon… after a nice beer of course, hah.”  
  
“After ‘a’ beer, _tch _,” Shinji whispers.__  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
“Oh! Um, NOTHING Misato-san!”  
  
“That’s right,” Misato hums. She notices that Shinji slightly nudges Rei’s hand to lead her away. She sees the expression Rei makes. It almost makes her do a double take.  
Shinji doesn’t notice but Rei stares directly at him and her eyes slowly drift to his lips and back up. She follows him at a distance.  
I’ve never seen her do that before Misato thinks. Misato mentally takes a note and heads to her room.  
  
_Bzzz-paap ___  
  
The TV turns on.  
  
…..  
  
…..  
  
Shinji and Rei sit down on the three seater at the opposite ends. He absentmindedly flips through channels while eyeing Rei out of the corner of his eye. He notices how she stares almost blankly at the screen, as if her eyes are glazed over. He wonders if she’d notice him looking. He turns his head facing her while clicking through more channels. He takes in the straightness of her back and how she clasps her hands together on her lap. _Click _. He stares at the fullness of her top lip and how her ruby red eyes are so wide that they make her look more like an innocent girl than the pilot of a lifeless machine. _Click _. His eyes moves down her soft neck to the thin chest which clearly displays her bulging clavicle. _Click _. And shamefully he looks at how her decent size breasts overtake her small rib cage. _Click _.________  
  
_**MMMF. Ahhh. Nghhh. __**_ ****  
  
Shinji snaps out of his trance and whips his head towards the TV. He sees a blur of skin and nearly falls out of his seat.  
  
“NYAH!”  
  
_CLICK. Bzzz-Pap. ___  
  
Shinji breathes slightly heavy and blushes fiercely. He prays Rei didn’t notice anything…  
  
“What was that?” asks Rei.  
  
Shinji’s prayers weren’t answered. He clutches the remote and sits back down. He tries to ignore it and says nothing.  
  
“Shinji?”  
  
He hears a rustling and notices Rei sitting close to him. She reaches over him and takes the remote.  
  
_Bzzz-Pap. Click. ___  
  
_**Mgghh. Mmmm. Pleaseee. Nrgh. __**_ ****  
  
Shinji is flushed from head to toe. He tightly grips the couch with both hands and refuses to look at the screen.  
  
_**NGHH! MGHH! __**_ ****  
  
“REI!” Shinji flys off the couch and stands in front of the TV with his arms out. “We’re not supposed to be watching this!”  
  
_Click. Bzzz-Pap. ___  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“Because! We’re not old enough.”  
  
“I’ve never seen that before,” Rei says, “Have you?”  
  
Shinji puts his arms down and looks away from her.  
  
“No.”  
  
“What were they doing?”  
  
“Rei! You ask such embarrassing questions!”  
  
“Why are they embarrassing?”  
  
“I- I dunno! It’s just weird.” Shinji finishes. He sighs and walks over to Rei on the couch. He takes a seat and attempts to take up a little space a possible, but he fails to. His thigh and arms inevitably touch Rei’s.  
  
“Have you ever kissed someone before?” Rei asks, looking at him.  
  
“No.”  
  
…..  
  
Rei reaches a hand to his face and softly turns him to her. Any other time he would have jerked away, but for some reason, the way she's looking at him has him transfixed on her face. He barely has a chance to close his eyes before Rei touches her lips to his. It lasts about a half a second and Rei suddenly releases him and turns away. His mouth goes agape. Rei has a slight pink tint to her cheeks and ears.  
  
…..  
  
Shinji hesitantly puts his hand on her back near her shoulder.  
  
…..  
  
Rei looks at him.  
  
…..  
  
Shinji leans in and pecks Rei again. He pulls back and sees that her eyes are still closed. She puts one hand on his chest and pulls him in. She takes the lead and takes in his bottom lip--  
  
“--Oow Rei,” Shinji quietly mutters, “to-too ha--hard.”  
  
She tries again and this time he doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t know what to do after his lip is in her mouth so she releases.  
  
….  
  
“Um… I don’t know either Rei,” Shinji scratches the back of his neck, “Maybe um… t-tongue?”  
  
“How?”  
  
“I think we just touch them?”  
  
Rei grabs him harder this time and Shinji has to swallow a gasp when Rei kisses him roughly and flicks the tip of her tounge onto his lip. He slowly opens his mouth and lets her touch his.  
  
“Mmf,” he hears. His heart starts racing out of his chest and he opens his eyes to see Rei flushed as red as him. His mind flashes back to what they saw and he skiddeshly lets go of her.  
  
“R-Rei maybe we should stop?”  
  
Rei lets go of him and sits with her hands in her lap.  
  
….  
  
Shinji looks at the clock behind him. In big bold blue letters; **10:21 PM **.****  
  
“Hey it’s kind of late. Um. I should walk home with you.”  
  
“I do not need that.”  
  
Rei stands up and walks to the door putting her shoes on.  
  
“Are...are you mad at me?”  
  
…..  
  
“I am not,” she states, finished with her shoes, “I am better alone.”  
  
With that, she closes the door and walks off.  



	4. Existentially in Love

##    
Existentially In Love

##    
  
**7:37 PM ******  
  
“Misato-san?”  
  
Shinji timidly sits inside of Misato’s dark blue sports car while she drives home from Nerv center. He carefully opens his mouth while wringing his hands together.  
  
“Do you think I could stay over at Rei’s?”  
  
_**SCREEEEEEEEEEEE __**_ ****  
  
Shinji jerks forward so hard that he nearly hits the dashboard with his nose.  
  
“Wow! Already getting serious huh Shinji?!” Misato hollars as she roughly pats him on the back.  
  
_Cough! _“No Misato-san,” _Cough! _“It’s not like that! She asked me.”____  
  
“ _Wowwww _! Look at Rei go!” Misato chuckles and drives toward Rei’s.__  
  
**.... ******  
  
Shinji…” Misato quietly says after a few minutes. “I’m trusting you not to do anything to take advantage of her.”  
  
Shinji’s jaw drops. Misato looks at him. There is no humor on her face though.  
  
“Do you understand me?”  
  
“Y-yes Misato-san.”  
  
“And you need to keep this on the down-low. You know that right?”  
  
**…. ******  
  
“Your Father wouldn’t be happy with this Shinji.”  
  
At the mention of his Father, Shinji’s mood dropped. His body became limp in the seat.  
  
“Why? Why can’t he see me happy? Why can’t he see Rei happy?”  
  
Misato pulled into the spot in front of Rei’s desolate apartment building.  
  
“Some people are unkind Shinji. Not everyone will like you; but not everyone hates you.”  
  
Shinji lowered his head.  
  
“I bet he hates me,” Shinji whimpered, Misato couldn’t say anything, “I bet he _loves _Rei.”__  
  
“What are you talking about Shinji?”  
  
“I saw him-- _sniff _\--He was talking to her, and-- _sniff _\--they were _LAUGHING _.”______  
Again. Misato failed to say anything.  
  
“She hasn’t laughed with me. She won’t even talk to me at school. But then she... _sniff _\--she…”__  
  
Shinji felt tears fall on his lap.  
  
“She kissed you?” Misato quietly asked.  
  
Shinji stopped crying and sat silent. He felt scared that Misato would be mad at him.  
  
“I’ll be back,” and with that Misato got out the car and marched up the stairs locking Shinji in the car. Shinji watched her in shock.  
  
_**Knock Knock __**_ ****  
  
“Rei?” Misato called.  
  
_Screeeeeeee ___  
  
“Yes Commander?” Rei responded.  
  
“Aren’t you gonna ask where Shinji is?”  
  
Rei looked over the banister behind Misato and pointed at the car with a frantic Shinji inside.  
  
“Fair enough,” Misato shrugged, “May I ask you something?”  
  
“Yes Commander?”  
  
“It’s just ‘Misato-san’ out here Rei.”  
  
“Yes Misato-san?”  
  
“What are you trying to do with him Rei?”  
  
“I am not sure what you mean.”  
  
Misato smirks and crosses her arms looking down at Rei.  
  
“You kissed him?”  
  
“Yes Misato-san.”  
  
“Have you had sex?”  
  
“No Misato-san.”  
  
“Good…”  
  
A moment passes. It’s utterly still.  
  
“Do you love him?”  
  
**…. ******  
  
“I am not sure Misato-san.”  
  
“Are you capable?”  
  
**…. ******  
  
“I am not sure Misato-san.”  
  
**…. ******  
  
A moment passes. Misato releases her arms, and they hang limp at her sides.  
  
“Please don’t hurt him Rei.”  
  
**…. ******  
  
“I will not.”  
  
_8:32 PM ___  
  
The wet sound of lips interlocking fills up the room. Shinji feels hot not just in his face, but it seems to spread all over. They separate, and Shinji and Rei both pant a bit. This is the third time they’ve done this in a row. Shinji doesn’t know what this is, but he knows he’s starting to become dependant on it already. Yesterday a bunch of boys at school decided to try picking on him. No one was there to save him until Touji came in and yelled loud enough for all the girls to walk into class. When class finished he decided he needed to see Rei. She allowed him to walk half-way home with him and pulled him into a secluded alleyway. It lasted two minutes but it was better than the first time.  
  
“Rei… was Misato-san mean to you?”  
  
The question was out of out of nowhere, but it fell out of his mouth anyway.  
  
“No,” she quickly answered, “She wanted to know what we were doing.”  
  
….  
  
“What are we doing?”  
  
“Kissing.”  
  
Shinji giggled, surprising himself and Rei alike.  
  
“I have never seen you laugh,” she stated. Her eyes were slightly widened.  
  
“I haven’t for a long time,” Shinji stared into Rei’s eyes.  
  
_What am I feeling? What do I feel for you, Rei? It feels so good. And it’s only ever with you. Rei… I…. ___Shinji teared up immediately. Rei holds the back of his neck with both hands and gets closer so their noses touch. _Why am I doing this? Why do I let myself touch him? Why is he crying? What do I feel for him? ___  
  
“Rei…”  
  
“Shinji…”  
  
“R-Rei. I-I think I--love…”  
  
….  
  
“I love you,” Rei says warmly.  
  
Shinji’s eyes grow to the size of baseballs. Rei smiles at him for the first time. He feels his heart expand about three sizes and immediately pulls her in for the tightest hug he could possibly give. She loosely holds him back as he shoves his face into her neck.  
  
“Please Rei! Please don’t be lying to me! _SNIFF _\--I honestly couldn’t take it!”__  
  
“I am not lying,” she whispers into his ear, “I love you Shinji.”  



	5. Existentially Getting Closer

  
**Existentially Getting Closer ******  
  
 **8:14 AM ******  
  
Shinji’s once again the first to class. Hardly anyone shows up to class on Saturdays. _I hope Rei does though. _Shinji closes his eyes. _She said she loved me yesterday… I hope she really did mean it. _He stares at the massive cracked clock that hangs above the whiteboard.____  
  
 _Tick. Tick. Tick. ___  
  
He closes his eyes again. _Rei… I love when you smile. I love when you hold my hand. I love when you let me hold onto you. I love when we get to sit together. I love looking at you. I love kissing you. I’d love to… ___  
  
“ _Nrgh! _” Shinji whispers. He instinctively closes his legs and covers his lap with both hands. _HEH. Better not think of that stuff at school…. _____  
  
“Shinji,” Rei calls out from behind, “Would you like to eat together today?”  
  
Rei walks up to him with two dingy blue bento boxes. Shinji stands up and accepts one graciously.  
  
“Really Rei?! I’d love to!” Shinji smiles cheek to cheek and Rei finds it infectious as her mouth widens too. Her eyes drop in embarrassment and she spots something unusual to her. She points to his groin.  
  
“Wha-”  
  
“UH NOTHING REI!” Shinji spins around and sits back in his seat smiling and laughing nervously at her. People start coming into the room now interrupting the awkwardness by talking so loudly.  
  
 **“DIDYOUSEEHOWCUTETOUJILOOKEDINTHATOUTFIT?!” ******  
  
 **“TOTALLY,HE’SNEVERLOOKEDCUTER!YOUSHOULDGOFORHIM!!!” ******  
  
Shinji shakes his head. So many girls talk about him but he never seems to date any.  
  
“Shin-Man! How’s it hangin’?” Touji hollars from outside the room. All the girls collectively look at him and squeak. Touji doesn’t seem to notice. He walks right past Rei brushing her shoulder to lean over Shinji’s chair. Rei seems to not think anything of it, however, Shinji does not take it so lightly.  
  
“Touji!” Shinji gets up from his chair and stands next to Rei, “Don’t just walk into her, you see her standing there don’t you?”  
  
The class seems to go quiet except for some boys in the back that seem to chant _fightfightfightfight! ___  
  
“What’s the big deal I just brushed her. She’s fine--”  
  
“--It doesn’t matter if she’s _fine _! It’s just rude… just...don’t hurt her again.” Shinji looks down and balls up his fists. Rei places a hand on his back and beckons him to look at her.__  
  
“I have no physical ailments; I am safe… but thank you.” Rei smiles at him and they both almost forget where they are when they lean in for a kiss.  
  
“WOAH!” Touji yells. Everyone in the class starts _ooooooooh-ing _and _aaaaaawwwww-ing _. Shinji and Rei both turn red scratching their necks.____  
  
“Sorry Rei-san,” Touji sincerely says, “I didn’t realize you two were official now.”  
  
Touji turns around and sees the bento box, “Oh wow, you’re that far huh? I need a girl to do things for me too; how’d you get one?”  
  
Shinji shakes his head and rolls his eyes, “Yeah… it’s not like that. I imagine we could switch off,” he looks toward Rei and she nods taking his hand. Touji makes a HAH! and mumbles loser, sitting down at his desk.  
  
 **4:28 PM ******  
  
The once sad and lonely room for Rei is now starting to look alive and well. Shinji insisted that they stop by a department store on the way from school. Shinji is now in the corner of the room fiddling with the newly bought standing-lamp. Rei is by the stove trying to decipher the directions for how to make rice balls and ramen. They’ve been cleaning for the better part of an hour.  
  
 _Beep-Beep ___  
  
“Oh crap, I forgot to call Misato-san,” Shinji pulls his phone out and answers to a--  
  
“Shinji! Why do you not call me?! What did I even get you a phone for?”  
  
“I know Misato-san I just forgot, Rei and I have been cleaning.”  
  
“Ah, ok. Just so you know, there’s no reason to come into Nerv tomorrow, the adults and I are gonna be doing boring political nonsense.” Misato sighs, Shinji can visualize the eyeroll.  
  
“Um,” Shinji looks over to Rei still struggling with the dinner, “Misato-san… do you think I could, um… s-stay over here tonight?” Shinji grits his teeth.  
  
…..  
  
“Shinji, do you think I don’t know what you’re planning?”  
  
“Hah! Misato-san! I-I’m not planning anything! Hah.” Shinji slaps his forehead and swallows his spit.  
  
“Sure sure. I’ll believe that once the sky turns green,” Misato remarks, “Do you at least have protection?”  
  
Shinji turns around to see if Rei is listening. He starts to bob up and down slightly. “I… tried to… but she followed me too closely, heh.” Shinji grinned uncomfortably. Is this normal to talk about with your guardian? Misato sighs loudly.  
  
“Fine, can’t believe I’m doing this; do you need me to bring something by?”  
  
“Uh-heh, Um… maybe? ...Please? Sorry.” Rei places their dinner on the table and sits down. She looks at him expectantly and Shinji hesitantly whispers one minute please!  
  
“Alright. I’ll be there at six. Be a good boy ‘till then,” and with that she hangs up. Shinji groans at how weird that felt. He finally sits down to smell the odor emanating from the ramen.  
  
“What did Misato-san want?”  
  
“Oh, um, I didn’t ask you, but,” Shinji takes a sip of the soup and winces, _way too spicy _, “she said I can spend the night. We don’t have to go to Nerv tomorrow.”__  
  
“I see.”  
  
….  
  
“I can go home if you didn’t--”  
  
“--No!” Rei surprised them both at how loud her voice got. “I… would like you to stay. I’m just slightly nervous.” Rei takes a gulp of soup.  
  
“Why? It’s just me,” Shinji smiles to reassure her but she doesn’t seem to be any different.  
  
“I anticipate,” Rei bites her rice ball and looks away, “that you wish to ‘have sex’”.  
  
Shinji regrets drinking at that moment.  
  
 **SPLUT. COUGH. ******  
  
“Why do you think that?” Shinji clenches his chest, the spices seemed to be giving him symptoms of acid reflux. _Crap! I shouldn’t have asked Misato-san to bring that stuff! Now Rei will be uncomfortable! ___  
  
“Your phone volume was quite loud,” Rei continues to eat. Shinji turns bright red and freezes in place. _Should I pretend I didn’t mean that? Or should I just tell her the truth? ___  
  
…..  
  
Rei stands up and takes their plates and bowls to the sink rinsing them out.  
  
“Rei, I’m sorry,” Shinji clasps her from behind and she supports herself by grasping onto the sink, she feels slightly hot by how intimate this seems. “I didn’t mean to make you feel weird. I...don’t really know what I’m doing.” Rei turns around in his arms; their faces are merely two inches away. She tugs on his shirt collar and kisses him deeply. His hands travel down her back to her small waist and digs his fingers into her the harder she kisses him. She makes a loud whine and he pulls back. “S-sorry!”  
  
“No… I liked it.”  
  
….  
  
“Rei can you sit on the sink?”  
  
She nods and lifts herself up. He immediately gets between her legs and puts his hands on either side of her legs. She timidly looks down to her lap and interlocks her hands behind his neck. Shinji can’t make eye contact either, so he rests his chin on her shoulder.  
  
“Do you still love me Rei?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Do you not want to… uh, you know?”  
  
….  
  
“I do,” they both shiver slightly, “I am astoundingly nervous Shinji,” she whispers. She shreds her fingers through his hair and he closes his eyes. He puts his hands on her back and slowly moves up the the top button of her dress. _I have no freakin’ idea how to do this! What if I can’t open it?! _He undoes one button and lets out a sigh of relief. For a second he panics again. Rei moved backward, but then she helps him and undoes her dress to reveal her light blue bra. She lets him stare and then starts to unhook it. Shinji’s eyes widen when she finally rests the bra to the side of them on the counter. “I know you will not take advantage of me.”__  
  
“I would never,” he says confidently.  
  
….  
  
“You can touch me now,” Rei says. Shinji blushes and decided to go for it. He automatically reaches to one of her breasts. He constantly checks to see if she’s resistant or not. _So. I’m here. I’m doing this. Um. I think I??? Uh. _Shinji releases her. Rei looks at him confused.__  
  
“I have no idea what to do.”  
  
….  
  
“If I ask for something will you do it?” Shinji nods. “Kiss them.” Shinji gulps but with a sudden burst of confidence, he holds her waist with one arm and holds her breast in his mouth with the other. “Mmmf, Shinji…” She holds his head pressing him harder to her breast. _Oh my God… this is the most amazing thing I have ever ever ever ever-- ___  
  
 **Knock Knock ******  
  
Shinji and Rei fly apart and frantically put themselves together.  
  
“I think I will shower,” Rei states and walks into the bathroom giving Shinji no choice but to face Misato alone. _Alright. Here I go. _Shinji slides open the door.__  
  
 _SHTTT ___  
  
A bag goes flying at his head, but luckily he catches it. Misato is sporting a baseball hat and some black glasses that cover nearly her whole face.  
  
“Don’t ask me to do this again. It is the WORST when you have to buy condoms and the guy at the counter says, ‘got anyone to use this with?’”  
  
Shinji cringes. _Yikes. ___  
  
“Well, thank you.”  
  
“Yeah yeah,” Misato starts walking away waving him off, “There’s a banana in there if you need to practice getting them on.” Shinji coughs and ignores what she says. He waves her goodbye and opens the bag.  
  
 _Alright. Tonight is the night. __  
_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter will be posted three days later than my typical every-other-day schedule due to college work. I hope you've enjoyed thus far.


	6. Existentially Fucked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the FINALE. It was WAYYYYYY harder to write realistic and character-accurate smut than anything I expected. However, thank you for trying this out and giving me a chance as a new writer. I hope to do more of this in my free time in the near future. Leave your thoughts if you would like. Thank you.

  
The shower hums while Shinji frantically opens the box of six condoms. _Alright soooo ripp I think I open this andddd… where’s the banana? _He looks around and spots it at the bottom of the black plastic bag. _Ok sooo, put it on the tip andddd pull it? _SNIRR _SHIT! I almost ripped it. Well I won’t use this one anyway. _He tosses it into the trash under the dripping sink with the banana. He decides to put the rest back in the bag and places it under the bed.  
  
…..  
  
_Am I supposed to shower too? I think I saw that in a movie once? _He puts his shirt to his nose. _Sniff. I’m good. _He leans on the bed awkwardly and nearly slips off just as the shower head goes off. He hears the sound of Rei shuffling and then a slide of the door.  
  
“Holy shit.”  
  
“What?” Rei asks.  
  
“You’re not wearing clothes,” Shinji mumbles. His eyes are glued to her groin, “You’re… really hot.” Shinji puts a hand to his forehead and cringes. _That was so lame. _Rei slightly laughs and reaches for a towel. “Wait wait--oh,” Shinji realized she was just drying her hair, “Sorry”. Rei leaves the towel around her neck and walks to push Shinji to sit on the bed with one hand. _THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING?! _Rei sits on top straddling his clothed waist. Shinji’s so still she can’t even tell if he’s breathing at this point.  
  
“Shinji?”  
  
…..  
  
“Shinji?”  
  
“HM? Oh! Uh. Yeah. Sorry. Hah,” Shinji shakes his head and starts to undo his shirt. Once it’s off he immediately shivers and covers his torso with his arms. _Jesus this place is cold. _  
  
“You could use me t-to get… warm,” Rei stutters. Shinji looks up bewildered. _Rei’s so red. I’ve never even heard her stutter before. I need to get myself together. _Shinji pulls Rei against him and hears a sound of contentment from her. She’s loosely holding her arms around his trapezius muscle.  
  
“Guess you were right Rei, I do feel warmer against you,” Shinji whispers. Rei shivers at how close he is to her ear.  
  
“That… feels good when you talk like that.”  
  
“Does it?” He says closer to her ear. She makes a _mm _sound and unwraps the towel from her neck. Shinji takes that as a sign to kiss timidly along the underside of her jaw. _Mmmm _she says again. He notices how she’s slightly pushing down on his shoulders, so he decides to move to her breasts while grasping just her waist.  
  
“ _Nrgh _, Shinji,” Rei starts to slightly rock on his lap and nip her own lip. _GAHHHH SHE’S TOO MUCH FOR ME! I can’t TAKE IT! _Shinji takes the initiative to flip Rei onto her back, stunning them both. Shinji takes a second to think about everything. _I get to be here with her. Someone I can say I love and loves me back. This is… something really special. I’m not worth this. I don’t deserve it. _That makes Shinji stop, he frowns, _I really don’t deserve this. _His eyes wander all over her body. _Look how beautiful she is… what’s she even doing with me? _  
  
“What’s wrong?” Rei queries. She brushes the hair from his face with her tiny finger tips.  
  
“Rei… we shouldn’t. I’m not…”  
  
….  
  
“Are you not ‘hard’ enough?”  
  
“What the? How’d you even hear of that?”  
  
“Touji is loud in class.”  
  
“Jeeeez, why am I not surprised,” Shinji lays down on top of Rei and wraps his arms around her back. She holds him back. “I’m just unsure Rei… I feel like I don’t… deserve this.”  
  
“I believe what you deserve is all in your head. You do not ‘deserve’ anything,” she states factually. It wasn’t quite what Shinji wanted to hear.  
  
“So what’s the point of any of this. You’re just leading me on like everyone else aren’t you?” Shinji has not moved from his spot on Rei’s chest.  
  
“I am not. I _do _love you. I have never felt such a way before, and I’m not sure I will again. You may not ‘deserve’ it, but I am willing to give you everything I possibly could… Shinji.”  
  
….  
  
“I love you too Rei, I’m… sorry I doubted you,” Shinji says making eye contact with her. She kisses him so softly he could barely feel it. His heart and hers ache at the same moment. “Oh yeah,” he interrupts, “I have to put the stuff on.”  
  
“Alright.”  
  
He hops off the bed now hurrying to break a pack open. _RIPP _crap I haven’t even taken my pants off yet. Shinji glances up to see Rei staring at his body like he’s done to her so many times. _This is weird… bound to happen I guess. Rustle Clink Rustle.  
“Sorry… not much to se-- _NYYGH. _REI!”  
  
Rei didn’t give him a second's notice before taking his penis between her lips. _MY BRAIN! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! I DIDN’T THINK SHE’D _\-- “NMPPPHHH!” Shinji has to grasp the bed sheets for support. His mouth is so wide that both his fists could fit in it. Rei’s holding onto his skinny waist while sucking hard on his head. Shinji’s eyes roll into his head when he hears and feels the _mmmmmm _from the back of her neck travel from his penis to the rest of his body.  
  
“R-Rei--it’s too g-good I can’t for--long nrgh!”  
  
“Mmm-hmm” she chokes out, not willing to give up yet. He looks down to see her head bobbing up and down. _Jesus Christ I’m gonna die. I can’t TAKE this! _  
  
“ _Gyngh _! Rei stop!”  
  
She stands up immediately and licks the corners of her mouth. His heart is beating so rapidly they can both hear it over his frantic breaths.  
  
“Jeeez Rei!” Shinji collapses onto the bed on his front side, “I can’t believe how good you were at that. _Howwww _?”  
  
“I paid attention to that video we saw at Misato-san’s apartment last time.”  
  
Shinji cringes at the flashback. _That was so embarrassing. But WOW. She… really learns fast. _  
  
“Shinji. I don’t believe you will fit in me.”  
  
….  
  
“So what do I do?”  
  
“...I believe you’ll need to use your fingers first.”  
  
Shinji jumps up and immediately pulls the sheets back to lay Rei down. He cautiously puts the condom on. _Don’t break don’t break. Got it! _He lays down next to Rei and rests on one bent arm using the other to pull up the covers.  
  
“Rei have you e-ever used your f-fingers for that?”  
  
“I’ve never felt the need. So I do not really know how, but I know where it is.”  
  
“R-right. Can you move my hand to it?”  
  
Rei puts on bent leg over his thigh and spreads herself slightly. Shinji outwardly moans when Rei guides his slender wrist over her breasts and stomach to the apex of her thighs. His fingers dip into her folds to find them soaked with thin secretion.  
  
“Grgnnnn!” they moan at the same time. Both of their mouths are slightly open in a mixture of surprise and arousal. Shinji stares at the expressions that pass over her face as he touches around and unintentionally forces his middle finger in her.  
  
“UNGH! Shinji! _Nff _.” Rei clutches his back as her head goes back. The veins in her neck tense and release as she quietly moans on and off while he slowly moves his finger inside her. He finds a spot that’s slightly squishier and decides to press on that again and again. “Shinji, _mnr _, that spot is… _mmf _good.” Shinji nods and tries to kiss her while pressing in the same spot. He starts moving faster and Rei’s hips start jerking to the same pace. She starts to breathe so heavily that Shinji can’t even kiss her anymore. He pushes in his other finger and starts to hit her as deep as possible. _Wow. I’d have never imagined it’d feel this good just to watch her _. “Shinji! N-no more right now--I want you to be in me.”  
  
“Alright. I’m ready too,” Shinji breathlessly replies. He takes his fingers out of her and inspects them. _I’ve never seen stuff like this before. I wonder if… _he puts a finger to his mouth and licks. Rei looks at him wide eyed then winces. “No Rei, it’s… really good.” She lets out a breath and lays back down. He finally gets on top of her after getting his foot caught in the blanket. His elbows are holding him up over her locked tight while she rubs up and down his ribs. They’re both too nervous to really say anything so they find comfort in their touches. “Can you lead it in?”  
  
“Yes,” Rei takes his covered penis in her hand and places his tip at her opening, “I want this. I really, really want this Shinji.”  
  
“Me too Rei, me too.”  
  
Shinji forces himself in her. Rei tenses up and makes a loud groan of pain.  
  
“O-ow.”  
  
“I’m so sorry Rei,” Shinji pauses and kisses the side of her face, “Should I stop?”  
  
“No, just… be slow.”  
  
“I will,” he whispers. _Alright be slow. Be slow. Don’t hurt her. _His waist pulls back and pushes in a bit too far on his first attempt. She writhes around a bit in discomfort. He starts in then out trying to not let himself fall out of her. _Ungh, this is starting to feel really really good. _“Rei does it feel good? Are you ok?”  
  
“It-nrr--hurts a little but-- _mmm _\--f-feels good too.”  
  
Shinji lowers his body onto his forearms and Rei easily wraps her legs and arms around his back. He starts moving a bit faster trying to reach different spots inside of her. _Grr--I don’t know how long I can hold this. _Rei’s insides pulsate against the latex over and over making them both grit their teeth. Shinji hides his face in Rei’s neck as she continuously scratches his back. He starts to move faster once again and the headboard starts to _dff dff dff _on the wall. Again he speeds up to make a _dfftr dfftr dfftr _sound. Rei lets out an _Unrgh _and Shinji immediately lifts himself from his forearms and puts his forehead to hers. He pauses and they look straight at each other while panting.  
  
“R-Rei… I c-can’t for that l-long.”  
  
“Can you wait for me?”  
  
“I c-can,” Shinji stutters, “Can we go f-faster?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Shinji beams and kisses Rei soft on the lips. Keeping his arms out and elbows locked as he starts. They both exhale. His hands grab and twists the sheets on either side of her body while he feels all of his back muscles stiffen up. His waist immediately starts to move and dig deeper inside of her. _Mrr. Mfrr. _He goes faster. _Ungh. Fmm-ungh _. Her hips start to move with him. _Gngh, hmm _. Shinji uses one hand to hold himself up on Rei’s hipbone as leverage. _NRGH! Hah-ng _. Rei’s fingers dig into his shoulder blade as her head falls back into the pillow. _Fuuu-kyah _. Shinji goes faster and jerks into her harder. _Ungh. Unmmh _. Rei and Shinji are both moving their hips so rapidly that their rhythms can hardly match anymore.  
  
“Rei! Nrgh! I c-can-n’t!”  
  
“M- _Mrghh _\--either.”  
  
Shinji does what feels right and wraps his arms under Rei’s back hugging her to him as he slams them to a finish.  
  
“ _GYAH! _NGGGG!” Shinji cries as he bursts.  
  
“MFFFF! _Hmmf! _” Rei moans as her insides contract and release again and again with his penis completely emerged in her hymen. Shinji pulls out of Rei and immediately plops on to the jankey bed hitting the wall with a _THUNK _.  
  
“Are you ok Shinji?” Rei turns her body to him and winces. He rubs his head and frowns.  
  
“More than ok. Are you?”  
  
Rei places a hand an inch below her navel and brings her legs tightly together.  
  
“It seems as though it hurts more than expected.” _Dammit, I should’ve been slower. _  
  
“I’m sorry I didn’t want to make it h--”  
  
Rei stops him with a hard closed-mouth kiss.  
  
“Don’t be. I… never thought I’d experience such a thing. Especially with someone I would be in love with.”  
  
Rei’s cold words bring a contrasting warmth to Shinji’s heart. Her lips slightly turn upwards into a delicate smile and Shinji can’t help but do the same. He takes her in his arms and whispers _IloveyousomuchIloveryousomuchIloveyousomuch _until he turns blue in the face.  
  
_Two Days Later _  
  
_11:41 AM in Germany _  
  
“Misato-san,” Rei uncomfortably shouts, “For what purpose are we visiting the U.N. at this moment?”  
  
Misato dramatically turns around from her seat next to the helicopter pilot and stares at both Rei and Shinji. They’re sitting as close as possible to one another in their restrictive seat belts. The doors to the black metallic helicopter are wide open as they slowly come to a landing on top of a German military ship.  
  
“Well dear children, it seems as if there’s another lucky pilot who will is willing to fight the good fight!” Misato says with a smirk and an exaggerated thumbs up. The two in the back were not amused.  
  
“Why the hell would they _WANT _to?!” Shinji yelps wide-eyed. As if on que, the plane lands and they’re ushered out the helicopter by German soldiers.  
  
Misato with arms crossed sighs and shakes her head as the three of them stand on the creaky wooden deck of the ship. Rei stands with a straight back and her hands folded in front of her. Shinji wildly looks around feeling flabbergasted by how rude everyone seems to be here. All of a sudden…  
  
_“HEY YOU!” _  
  
All three of them look up, squinting at the sun, to spot a girl with her legs strongly planted on top of a landing pad with her hands on her hips defiantly.  
  
_“YOU ALL BETTER BE READY FOR ME! I’M THE BEST AROUND!” _  
  
“Aaaaand with that,” Misato laughs, “You’ve officially met Asuka.”  
  
Both Rei and Shinji both look at each other….then back to Misato.  
  
“Our new pilot.”  
  
…..  
  
_“WHAT?!” _  
  
**END. **  
****_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  


**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story I have ever written which is a scary thing to jump into for a reader (I totally understand your hesitation) however please leave me any feedback you may have, and I will be happy to make edits and adapt in the future! Thank you!!! This will be updated every OTHER day.


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